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I am but a poor man and all I have are my dreams.
 
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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in Gromiton Cleric's LiveJournal:

Thursday, July 14th, 2005
5:00 am
A Year Wiser, A Year More Miserable
Yes, this is the best birthday EVER! I'm on a big grey ship that's dirty and smelly, my workspace is right next to the smoke pit so my hallway and office always smell like smoke and the walls are stained and I cough and gag all the time from the constant smoke, and the hallway is ALWAYS FUCKING MUDDY even when I secure to clean so that no one can go through they do it anyways when I'm not there playing hall patrol. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I hate this shit. Let me recount my last birthdays, 15 was told I can't get my permit till I get a job but then told I'm not allowed to get a job till I can drive myself. WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAMPING FAGGOTZ!!!!!!!!!!! 16 can't get my license bc I STILL can't get my permit. 17 said fuck it and drove my friends cars until I learned and took the permit test. I had already graduated and didn't have a fucking license. I started working two jobs and doing crazy shit on my Vespa. 18 my mom cancels my HUGE fucking going away/18th birthday party bc WHY? "You had some crap behind your bed and I told you to clean it" WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I had to call up 43 friends saying I'm not having a party and that I will probably celebrate the day by killing myself...if only I did then you guys would be happier. Have I ever you guys how I want to commit suicide. It's gonna be so awesome. Like Evil Kenival jumping the Grand Canyon. I want to have a M-16 to my head a little noose around the trigger and trigger guard so that when I pull the string it unloads the whole thing. I WILL have a death letter that says CLEAN MY MESS PLEASE. It will have a spatula on top to keep it from blowing away. FIN. Wow that was kinda fucked up. MOVING ON TO THE NEXT SCENE. So ya my 19 birthday I went to a friends and tried to get drunk once AGAIN and was unsuccessful AGAIN. I can't seem to get drunk when I want. Now what am doing for my birthday? Sitting around waiting for the inspection today feeling ill because I had to get my BMR finished yesterday. BMR=Birth Month Review. I have to get my vaccinations redone for the year. It took me two weeks to get it all done. (I think that’s why I was feeling bad during liberty sorry JeNnifer) But hey at least I here with friends... oh wait no I'm not I'm at work with the three people that hate me the most. SOMEBODY SAVE ME! When I go to Washington I'm going to leave Washington and go to Canada with a friend and "forget" the ship but remember my liberty with my special memory powers. I loved my liberty. It was a very different kind of fun. It's hard to describe how non-innocent the innocent fun we had was. Ow my head hurts now. I wish there was a way to describe how utterly perfect being with you was. I'm a bit tanned now on my chest and shoulders. You can really see the yellow in my tattoo now. I love you and I'm now going to imagine I wasn't on the ship and instead on the beach in the water holding you to me again...*breathes deeply and puts his head down*
1 Battle| Start A Fight
4:12 am
Just to make it known.
Come up to meet you, Tell you I'm sorry, You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, Aww let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles, Coming in tales, Heads on the science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Aww take me back to the start.

I was just guessin', At numbers and figures, Pullin' the puzzles apart.

Questions of science, Science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me, Come back to haunt me, Oh when I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles, Chasin' our tails, Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Aww It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

I love you.
3 Battles| Start A Fight
Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
6:43 am
Something's on my mind. It’s been quite some time. This time I’m on to you. So where’s the other face? The face I heard before. Your head trip’s boring me

Let’s nuke the bridge we torched 2000 times before. This time we’ll blast it all to hell. I’ve had this burning in my guts now for so long. My belly’s aching now to say.

Stuck down in a rut of dislogic and smut, a side of you well hid. When it’s all said and dome it’s real and it’s been fun, but was it all real fun.

Let’s nuke the bridge we torched 2000 times before. This time we’ll blast it all to hell. I’ve had this burning in my guts now for so long. My belly’s aching now to say.

You're just... a freak, I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck.
I'm taking in pride in telling you to freak off and die.

I've had this burning in my guts now for so long. My belly's aching now to say. I'm taking pleasure in the doubts I've passed to you. So listen up as you bite thisssss...

You're just... a freak, I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck.
I'm taking pride in telling you to freak off and die.

Goood niiiiiiiiight....

So what do you say Amazon Princess. Wanna destroy it all and start a new place? Huh Do ya do ya do ya? I'll let you push the button.
1 Battle| Start A Fight
Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
4:02 am
All Of Our Endings Are Waiting To Begin
So I blew about $150 dollars on books while I my ship was in port. All of them are about or associated with martial arts. A Guide To Aikido; Ki And The Way Of The Martial Arts; Samurai Martial Arts; Code Of The Samurai; A Guide To True Bushido; and Legends Of Martial Arts. So far I’ve read through Legends Of Martial Arts and reading Ki And The Way Of The Martial Arts, Samurai Martial Arts at the same time.

I have become even more convicted on joining SCA especially since the kingdom I’d be joining has an Asian territory. I want to buy my Komono, Gi, and practice katana in Florida but I would love to get my armor and combat katana hand made. If it takes it I’ll get one from Japan because anything less than one thousand folds is unacceptable. I need to find a good name. I will probably model my fighting style after Miyamoto Musashi using two swords.

If any of you reading this are SCA members, are you allowed to have more than “Character”? And I’m pretty sure that’s not the right term so please correct me on that if you know the right one. I can’t wait for cruise to be over so that I can really get into it. Once this cruise is over then my work schedule will be much more lax. If anyone from Washington or friends of people in Washington is reading this and in SCA pleeeeeease send me a tell at thamion_paladin@hotmail.com or charles.harbourt@cvn71a.navy.mil.

Is it so wrong to wish with ever fiber of your being to be a couple of centuries in the past? Any place pretty much will do. Scotland would put me with ancestor clans, Japan would make me a Samurai, and Europe would make me a Knight. I hope that maybe I’ll feel better when I get to be around people the same way.

If any one has good books on martial arts <-any kind of martial arts, or if you know any and want to give lessons <-would love thia kick-boxing, books on Japanese history, speaking Japanese, anything oriental will do just leave the title, author, or a way to contact you for info on classes it would be much appreciated and I don’t forget kind actions. Help me, help you.

In conclusion I would like to say this time SUX. I’ll see you when I get to the future.
2 Battles| Start A Fight
Saturday, July 2nd, 2005
5:31 pm
Sometimes You Can't Help But To Love Her...
We held hands on the last night on earth. Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in he fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. In our cancer of passion you said, “Death is like a midnight runner.”

The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the Ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn’t good for two. I rode alone.

You said, “The cinders are falling like snow.” There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. Of blue and grey. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is mystery of curves and lines. Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.

I cannot leave here. I cannot stay. Forever haunted, more than afraid. Asphyxiate on words I would say. I’m drawn to a blackened sky, as I turn blue. There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just the stark words I find. I’d show smile but I’m too weak. I’d share with you could I only speak, just how much this hurts me. I cannot stay here. I cannot leave. Just like all I loved, I’m make believe. Imagined heart, I disappear. Seems no one will appear here and make me real. I’d tell you how much this haunts me. Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams. You don’t care that it haunts me. I’d share with you could I only speak, just how much this hurts me… just how much this hurts me… just how much you…
Start A Fight
Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
7:12 pm
I won't die soon because God is still Punishing me.
So ya let's see how we'll start off my journal. Well hmmm I'm somewhere I don't wanna be and no one else wants to be here either. My life is slowly deteriorating and I have no other choice but shit in my pants and dive in. I try hard not to hurt people and to make my friends happy and they're enemies cry and I get sorrow in return. I regret not my actions but the need for my actions causes me sorrow.

I hate the modern day world because of our dependency on normality and safety. I feel born into a world where we can't excel in life and carve our face into the world and be known as a hero instead of great basketball player that does heroine. I'd like to think I could disagree with someone and have a battle of wits and reaction in a duel instead just being sucker punches because I don't like the fact that he believes himself better than his girlfriend since he's a scumbag that figured out that his weight adds power to his fists. I dream of a time where life now is wiped out and we start over. I'd love to think that we can some day create an empire that is believed to be the torch of the world and that hope resides within it's heroes.

I dream of a time when taking a life was because you fought for beliefs of idealism and not profit. When being a martyr wasn't with a bomb on your chest but a hopeless fight to by time for your fleeing family. I dream of gladiators fighting to the death because anything less is a discredit to the others skill. I am a hopeless dreamer and hope that right now I am in some kind stasis chamber to be woken up from to inherit a gift that can change the world. To fight for survival rather than greed. I wish to respected by my acquaitances, accepted by my peers, embraced by my friends, and loved by family. I wish that my family will not be tainted by a heartless world controlled by heartless mongers desperate for a nickle from the poor man. I hope that you will come with me to paradise because I fear it is the last of it's kind and more than whispering will spread rumor and a spiteful eye to burn it from my heart and fear more that my reaction will be one to condemn my soul and all those avenging it's death.
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